Thursday, July 08, 2010

Hello friends!

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Let me share with you what happened today, then I beg you to not only pray for this young woman, but also to help. I don't know how to help her, I've never dealt with this situation before, so I need advice...wisdom...whatever it is you can offer me or her, I'll take it.

Tonight, I was visited by a friend who was in trouble. She came to my restuarant and poured her heart out. I listened and comforted her and just loved on her. I tried to be a good friend and to help her with the bad situation she was in.
While she was talking, Julie, a server at the Tavern, came upstairs to tell me that there was a young woman downstairs looking for a job. I have to tell you, I get about ten to fifteen people a week looking for a job. I think I have a stack of over 100 applications just from the summer. I don't need any new help for the summer, but I told Julie, to have her fill out an application and I'll keep it in my folder. Julie knew I was involved in a private conversation, but she came back upstairs and drew me aside. "Susan, I think you should talk to this girl. I gave her an application and she sat down and started to cry."
So, I excused myself from my conversation with my friend and I headed downstairs to see why this young girl would be crying. I sat down, and she introduced herself and told me she was in desperate need of a job. *tug* (that's my heartstrings being pulled.* She told me that she currently works at two jobs and also goes to school. She said she was supposed to get her schedule today from one of her jobs, but when she called, the manager told her she wasn't on the schedule. She said that she needed the money so badly, she didn't know what she was going to do. She lives with her boyfriend, who she just met at a bar four months ago, has a two year old daughter to take care of, and her boyfriend's unemployment ran out last week. Okay..I are thinking ..yeah right!! What does this girl want?? It just sounds so dramatic.... just have to know me, although I have a good heart, and I like to be giving and to help..I'm not a pushover. I tend to NOT believe people and I am very defensive and never want to be taken advantage of. So I start asking this girl many questions. She answered them all. She gave me names and phone numbers of her employers. She showed me pics of her little girl. She showed me her school schedule. The whole time she was crying, and feeling so ashamed and embarrassed but for some reason (God) she just kept sharing and pouring her heart out.
I made her look me in the eye, and I said, "I'm going to help you" I don't need anyone to work...but somehow I am going to help you" I told her that God loved her, she was His little girl, and she said, "It doesn't feel like it" The poor little thing, my heart was breaking. She is in an abusive relationship, (her second one) but has no where else to go. She loves the guy she's with, but knows that he is not good. She said she'd get out if she could. Her dad is a drug addict and her mom is addicted to prescription meds and doesn't get along with her. She told me that she has no one to help her. She's stuck. She has a friend that watches her little girl, when she goes to school, and then she goes to work, so she's never with her daughter.
Ahhhhh, I could go on and on and retell you her story.
I ended up hugging her and comforting her and telling her I would help her somehow. I gave her some money and she kept refusing it, but I knew it would help for the next few days. I didn't care at that point, if I was being taken advantage of. I gave it to God and that is what God sees. He sees me heart. But I really think this girl needs it. She needs help, but I don't know how to help her. She needs a job. She needs a mentor. She needs someone to guide her and lead her and talk to her. She needs help! How? What? Where? Tell me....what to do. Teach me. Show me how to help her. Lord, show me what to do next. I'm a mother..I kept saying that to her. If it was my daughter in this situation, I'd want someone to come along and give her a helping hand. I'm just a mother wanting to help a daughter. Send me your advice, please. How can you help? Pray! What can you give or do? What can I do that will best help her? I just don't know what to do?????
Thank you so much!! I need your wisdom!
OH and by the way.. two days ago I asked God to use me!


Sara Krepp said...

Susan it always amazes me what a loving and kind person you are. It's so wonderful to hear about the experiences you have daily and how you make work a different kind of job. I'll give my advice as a therapist of 15yrs. I specialize in trauma, sexual abuse and domestic violence. My focus would be on this girl's empowerment and a very strong focus on the choices she made that lead up to this and the choices she is continuing to make every minute of every day. She needs to own them and she needs to bottom line take responsibility. Too many women I work with don't even realize how much they blame others for their poor choices and don't even understand why they do what they do. They write it off as bad luck and then cry to everyone else about their out of control life and circumstances. I don't want to come off as harsh, I believe her and I care about all of the people that I counsel, but I feel very strongly about this. In my opinion to help her I'd like to see her at The Women's Shelter for housing and counseling, and also join the support group Alanon to understand the damage done to her as a result of having addicted parents. The difference that can be made for her is in her understanding what she "learned" growing up and who she is now as an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA).She CAN change and learn and grow but in my opinion that is what helping her is based on. If she doesn't understand or begin to address these "beliefs" about love, relationships, life she will continue to make these poor choices over and over and over again, all while teaching her child about life in the process.

Terry said...

You truly are one of the most kind and compassionate people that I know!! You make a difference in the lives of so many people. I think this girl is somewhat on the right path, but she needs to take a few more steps and may need the knowledge and "push" or encouragement to do them. Sara beat me to the punch with the advice on the Women's Shelter for housing and counseling. I come from a social work backround. I feel she needs the empowerment to take responsibility for her actions and choices. Leaving an abusive relationship is not an easy decision, but with encouragement and support and the right information, it makes it much easier. I also agree with Sara about the Alanon. The addiction of her parents and her relationships with them as well as their relationship is what formed her view of how to be acceptably treated. She needs to relearn things and why she has made some of her choices. Just as I know Sara is not being harsh, and neither am I, I think God is calling you to be a support for this girl, an encouragement if you will. But I think she needs provided the information to make the steps to make the changes in her life. If you need more info on anything, I'm sure that either Sara or I could get it for you. You know how to fine me!!! Love ya Susie!!

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Anonymous Sara Krepp said...
Susan it always amazes me what a loving and kind person you are. It's so wonderful to hear about the experiences you have daily and how you make work a different kind of job. I'll give my advice as a therapist of 15yrs. I specialize in trauma, sexual abuse and domestic violence. My focus would be on this girl's empowerment and a very strong focus on the

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