A mystery has been unveiled.

I'm currently reading a book called "Captivating :Unveiling the mysteries of a woman's soul" by John and Stasi Eldredge. A few years ago I read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldridge. This is a similar book, but written for women.
I want to copy a section of the book that I read last night. It took my breath away and caused me to have a new understanding of myself. I took the book with me to my nutritionist's appointment and I read to her, the same excerpt. It touched her deeply. Take your time and read this slowly, and let me know if it touches you and if you can relate to this..

It is from Chapter 3, page 57 and the subtitle is called "Indulging"
"Whether we tend to dominate and control, or withdraw in our desolation and hide, still... the ache remains. The deep longings in our hearts as women, just won't go away. And so we indulge. We buy ourselves something nice when we aren't feeling appreciated. We "allow" ourselves a second helping of ice cream or a supersized something when we are lonely. We move into a fantasy world to find some water for our thirsty hearts. Romance novels, soap operas, talk shows, gossip, the myriads of women's magazines all feed an inner life of relational dreaming and voyeurism that substitutes, for a while, for the real thing. But none of these really satisfy, and so we find ourselves trying to fill the remaining emptiness with our little indulgences (we might call them bad habits). They are what we give our hearts away to instead of giving them to the heart of God.
We daydream our way through traffic. We imagine meaningful conversations or difficult ones where we speak brilliantly. We spend our imaginations on cheap novels, picturing ourselves as the beautiful heroine, winsome, pursued, beautiful. We are endlessly creative in our indulgent pursuits, our adulteries of the heart. WE certainly, do not limit ourselves to just one.
Take a moment and consider yours. Where do you go instead of to God when the ache of your heart begins to make itself known?
Spending too much money, gambling, bingeing, purging, shopping, drinking, working, cleaning, exercising, too many movies, sitcoms, talk shows, even our negative emotions can become indulgences. When we camp our hearts in self-doubt, condemning thoughts, or even shame because those emotions have become familiar and comfortable, we are faithlessly indulging rather than allowing our deep ache to draw us to God.
Unfortunately our indulgences make us feel better for a short while. They seem to "work" but really only increase our need to indulge again. THIS IS THE NIGHTMARE OF ADDICTION! But it goes far beyond "drugs". We give our hearts to all sorts of "lovers" that demand our attention, demand we indulge again. We taste something that we think is good, our longings cease to ache, for a minute, but later we find ourselves empty once more, needing to be filled up again and again.
The ways we find to numb our longings, and our pain are not benign. They are malignant. They entangle themselves in our souls like a cancer and once attached become addictions that are both cruel and relentless. Though we seek them out for a little relief from the sorrows of life, addictions turn on us and imprison us in chains that separate us from the Heart of God and others as well. It is a lonely prison of our own making.
We need not be ashamed that our hearts ache, that we need and search and hunger for much more. ALL OF OUR HEARTS ACHE! All of our hearts are at some level unsatisfied and longing. It is our insatiable need for more that drives us to God.
What we need to see is that all of our controlling and hiding and indulging actually serves to separate us from our hearts. We lose touch with those longings that make us women. And the substitutes NEVER EVER resolve the deeper issues of our souls"
*breath*
It is very rare to find a woman that is not insecure. Why are almost ALL women insecure. Do you know any women that really love themselves? They love their body, and their hair and their personality etc...??? THINK ABOUT IT!!! Why are we so down on ourselves? Why do we not think we are ever good enough? We're not skinny enough or smart enough? A lot to think about. My next post, I am going to expose myself and tell you about my addiction! (unfortunately mine is not one I can hide)
I hope you're having a great day! Susan